This is an excerpt from a love letter I wrote to myself:

"go endlessly play" Lumalia photo of girl in blue romper with yellow shoes with sun hat running toward rock face and trees in the background

Please do me a favor and remember no matter where you are it won’t last if it’s hard and if it’s good to savor it because of the same.  

But I also want you to remember that even though you felt like drowning in the rubbing alcohol sea numbed completely out, the only thing you needed was to see the distance between where you are and where you want to be – it’s there, please promise me don’t forget – in this distance is your play. Don’t lock it up in the grief closet again. Hold it in, build the tension, hoover like the bee let your own hum calm you so you can go endlessly play. 

If you’re not there don’t quit, don’t give up. When it feels hard, don’t try harder either. I know you grew up being told that was your truth, but where you feel weak, where you feel empty doesn’t need more effort it needs more support. It needs more tenderness, it needs permission to find play, permission to release, surrender into the ease. 

This is one of the rewires that will take time. This grove is deep, it’s not just in your genetics it is the truth of evolution you’re being called to embody. 

So take a deep breath and remember this stepping, this releasing is only joy.

Please don’t swim upstream. Keep remembering to float.

I’m so proud of you. As the spring breeze kisses you remember your absolutely loved. 

The biggest secret to finding joy is learning how to savor it all. 

The pain without spitting it out but diving in deep to ask what wants to be known. 

The numb because it keeps you going.

The laughter because it’s helped you remember how to open and close just like the tulip in the spring. 

The tears that salt anything to make it flavorful, life is just bland and wastes quickly away without it, every chef will agree. 

The smiles that light up any dreary day: they are the sun. 

The eyes closed, breathing in “mm:” let those vibrate your cells to know joy.

The moment time stands still and you feel marvel touch your lips as they begin to part in and up.

The sensation of anything on your tongue, toes, and fingertips.  They were one of your first delights of being human.

No matter what it is, cherish it, honor it, be with it. Life is best right here in your now, in your becoming, in your remembering. Experience is everything and nothing all at once.